I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
