I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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