nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
