Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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