just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
