Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
