Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
