i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
