im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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