Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
