That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
