I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
