Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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