I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
