I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
