I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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