Are we in a gay sports bar?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
