There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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