i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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