so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
