i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
