I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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