I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
FUCK WHALES
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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