Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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