they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
