i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
