I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
