The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
