Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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