someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
