so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
