dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
