I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I checked into jail on foursquare
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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