I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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