paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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