I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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