She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
