I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
