if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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