i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
