I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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