it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
