So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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