I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
