Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize