I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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