First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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