Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You took a bar mat shot.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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