Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
