I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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