If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
