When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
