somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
