***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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