I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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