Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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