her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize