so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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