Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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