Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
