I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
