I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
