I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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