Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
