The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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