Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
FUCK WHALES
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