we have pet lesbian snakes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize