and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
