apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize